glitter and gravel

Have you ever wondered why someone would choose to be friends with/date/marry someone like you? What sets you apart from other people in the world? Something I have been hearing a lot lately (even in my own mind) is that (most) people are the same.

What I wonder, specifically, relates to why someone would choose me over some other girl (in the world of dating, business, friendship, or anything else). What makes me unique, special, or sought after?

The truth is that I’m not sure. Actually, quite honestly, I have no idea. I can only wonder and hope that something does make me different, that something sets me apart. I think for Christians, the most obvious answer to this is that (hopefully) you will be able to tell a difference in character, morals, and the whole persona. It does go beyond that, however. There are many Christian ladies who are much more beautiful, or servant-like, or who have less baggage than I do.

For this article I have chosen to ponder over those things which make me different or unique, whether they be good or bad (and they’re mostly somewhere in between/bad).

- First of all, I am (like I have mentioned before) very awkward. This is not something that most people look for typically. Job Qualifications: Proficient in Microsoft Excel, Good with people, Friendly, Slightly socially awkward.

- I am very self-conscious/shy. At least I am aware of it though, right? This results in me seeming very “snobbish” to people who don’t know me. Sometimes I walk past someone smiling at me and completely look away, even though I’m totally not being rude intentionally.

- I like to cook. This, I have realized, is a fairly large bonus. Some girls hate cooking; some girls couldn’t cook if their life depended on it. I can and do so fairly well. Plus, I like creating recipes. 2 points. But they’re not always a success… Minus 1 point.

- I’m health-minded. I realize this could be a few points for me or against me. If someone loves their sodas, cakes, cookies, and donuts, they’re not going to want to constantly have to hear about the healthy choices I have made for lunch day after day.

- I’m a Christian. This should be at the top of the list. This is usually either a very important quality in any relationship. Either you really, really want to date/hire/marry a Christian, or that’s not important to you at all.

- I’m clean. I shower daily which, in my opinion, is a great thing. Sometimes I even shower, like, twice a day. Or more. I am pretty clean. I also brush my teeth regularly.

- I don’t smoke. I’m convinced that if you smoke, you can only date other smokers. If you know of a relationship in which it isn’t this way, let me know. Related, I don’t chew tobacco or drink, either.

- I’m not the most beautiful person in the world. Not even close. I realize that. Thankfully, that isn’t the most important thing in the world. If it IS that important to you, then I shall pass.

- I don’t like to shave every day. Actually, I don’t like to shave at all. Now, don’t get confused, I DO shave; I just don’t enjoy it. And I frequently put it off for as long as possible when I am able to do so.

- I like fashion. This may or may not be important. I have known people who really just don’t go for girls/guys who are trendy or care about what they wear. I do. And although I may go out in public from time to time wearing my sweats, I prefer to actually get dressed up and look somewhat presentable.

- I wear contacts and glasses. This doesn’t seem like something I should be including in here, but I will. And the main reason is because of something I was thinking about yesterday. I remember when I was a child I was sometimes picked on because I wore glasses. Oddly enough, it was from adults. Some rude old man even went so far as to call me, at the time a 10 year old girl, “four-eyes.” I’m pretty sure my heart was somewhat broken.

- I like grammar. I don’t claim to be the best at grammar. Actually, I don’t claim to be the best at anything. But it’s really important for me to have a normal, intelligent, adult conversation with those around me. I don’t like to feel like I’m speaking AT someone.

- I eat a lot. I feel like this is a bonus for me in the “guy world,” because most guys like girls who eat. The problem comes in, however, when my metabolism slows down and I got myself a little bootydo.

- I have a funky toenail. This could very well be a deal breaker. I mean, what if someone has all the same characteristics as me, both good and bad, and I AM ABOUT TO GET CHOSEN, when all of a sudden, BAM! They see my funky baby toenail and I’m out of the race—just like that.

- I can type pretty fast. This is turning into a really, really sad “quality” list and I should stop while I am ahead (even though I’m not ahead at all).

The point is this: absolutely NO TWO PEOPLE are alike. We are all different, whether it’s just a little bit different or on totally opposite ends of life. YOU have something to offer someone/something else than I do. Maybe you have a sixth toe, a third nipple, a beautiful singing voice, great social abilities, or a love for video games. Maybe you have a perfect driving record, a love for animals, a lazy eye, or an afro.

I just hope that someone somewhere is looking for a girl with a few extremely awkward and somewhat burdensome characteristics.

Thank you to my friend, Alexis, for the inspiration for this article.

Being a single lady in 2012 is not all that easy.  It’s not all that hard, either. The problem seems to be that most people (women and men) don’t feel comfortable being single when all of our friends are paired off, or when society is throwing dating in our faces like a cream pie. Like, “Here! TAKE IT!”

And sure, some (dare I say most) of us want to find that special someone to feed us bacon while we swing away on a hammock. I’m a firm believer in the idea that if you want something bad enough, it will happen for you. Especially in the World of Love and Relationships. If you seek love, you will (indeed) find love; if you seek loneliness, you will find (yep, you guessed it) loneliness. I am convinced that finding that ONE person you want to spend your life with comes at a time when you least expect it. Timing can be cruel. I tell you that from my own personal experience. But you accept it. You take from it what you can and you move on.

No matter what our relationship status may be, our energies must be focused on being the best ME (YOU, I, US) that we can be—all of the time.

One of the things that really bothers me most about being single is the pressure from others to find someone to date. Don’t get me wrong. I want to be in a serious, committed relationship as much as anyone else, but when others are asking me when I’m going to get married, or if they can set me up on a date, I just want to punch them in the face (and I’m not usually a violent person). A few days ago my grandmother introduced me to someone by telling them my name, followed by “can you believe she is single?” Call me crazy, but I consider this way out of line. I might as well stamp a big “S-I-N-G-L-E” on my forehead.

I recently started going to movies by myself from time to time. Okay, I’ve only done it twice, but it was invigorating. The only downside was being asked “why did you do that? don’t you feel weird going alone???” My answer: no, not until you said that. I mean, should I feel weird about doing something independently?

I guess what I am trying to say is this: in a world where being single means going out, having someone new every night, doing the whole club/drinking/bar scene, it’s okay to just sit back and just…be.

Just wait. Because, timing, man. 

So you’ve already wasted your Spring and Summer and now you want to waste your fall, too? Think again. I have taken it upon myself to not let that happen.

I present you with:

30 Things To Do This Fall (2012)

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Warning: this post is poorly written and is just me expressing a few thoughts (aka babbling).

As I read through my Facebook timeline or my Twitter feed, I see the same thing over and over and over again: “in a relationship,” “want to be in a relationship,” and so on and so on.

And let me be honest, if I may. I don’t care who you are dating, who you want to date, or who you just broke up with. That’s your business. But when you announce it on social media websites, however, it becomes MY business.

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Something that I have been thinking about for a while now is whether or not eating healthy makes someone somewhat snobbish.

A food snob, if you will.

Let’s be honest. I should be grateful for whatever food I have in front of my face. I should devour it whilst thinking of all the starving little children in Africa and all around the world. But the truth is I’m not as grateful as I should be.

 Yes, I am thankful that I always have something to eat, and if I am truly starving (a sensation I have never had to feel) I would eat whatever you offer me, but that doesn’t stop me from asking, “um, is this organic?”

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-Last week I wrote this article for my friend, Will Montgomery. I thought I would go ahead and share it on my blog today. Check out his post today on telling the truth in love.

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Children aren’t afraid to ask questions; they aren’t afraid to ask you why you’re bald, why you colored on your arms with a marker, why you have a big belly, or why you’re wearing too much blush. If I went around asking people why they had a large belly, I might end up with a few broken bones.

But have you ever thought about why children are so honest? They are born with a unique gift: The Gift of Honesty. As time goes on and as they grow, their honesty is tragically and naturally replaced with more of the worldly, human nature. We are then faced with an enormous, life-changing, character-building choice.

We can choose to be honest, integrity-driven people or we can choose to be dishonest, self-centered people. Something that I sometimes find myself wondering about is whether or not WE—as Christians, or simply humans—should strive to be as honest as children. I know, I know; sometimes kids have the tendency to go a little overboard with their “honest opinions,” and it can result in hurt feelings, bullying, and so on. For kids, though, honesty is all they know. For adults, we have the choice of what we are honest about, when we are honest, how we are honest, and why we are honest. 

Each time I think about whether or not to tell the truth, I am struck with the overwhelming conclusion: YES.

The battle doesn’t end there, although, it would be nice if it did. There are many situations where it would be easier to tell a lie, easier to avoid the truth, easier to deceive, or easier to “embellish,” if you will. There is also the kind of honesty that can hurt. It’s difficult to express because you know that it might break someone’s heart, ruin someone’s day, or sometimes even ruin someone’s life.

Imagine for a moment that you are a doctor. You got the fancy white coat and everything. Imagine further that you are faced with the heart-wrenching challenge of telling the parents of a child—an honest, beautiful, pure child—that their baby is very, very sick. These are the types of situations where it would be easier to avoid the situation, or pass our task off to someone else, but we can’t.

If you were going to tell your friend, who stunk, that she did, in fact, stink, how would you go about doing it?

Of course, especially in situations like the one I have presented, there is a right way to tell the truth, and there is a wrong way.

First, the wrong way:

  “Judy, listen. I have really wanted to tell you this for a long time. And I know you’re going to get mad at me, but like, you really stink. I’m not even talking about a casual bad smell, either, Judy. You smell like you’ve been dead for 3 weeks now.”

Now, the right way:

“Hey Judy! What perfume do you have on…? I think it’s bothering me.”

Judy: “I’m not wearing any.”

This way, Judy gets the message that she stinks and you still seem like a good (and honest) friend.

The point I am trying to make here is this: we are all called to be honest people who tell the truth no matter how hard it is. We are called to be full of integrity, full of trust, full of love. We are called to be like children, honesty and all.

I have had a lot of near-misses (this term should actually be “near-hits,” but whatever).  I’ve had a few hundred horns blown at me. I’ve seen many middle fingers.

None of this, however, is justified, because I am the greatest driver in the world.

It all started when I was 15. Actually, it was 17, because I was too scared to get my permit when I was 15.

I studied the Driver’s Handbook for weeks (days), soaking up all information I needed to know, taking all the practices tests, asking my mom to quiz me on each subject. Finally it was time to go to the most dreaded place on Earth: the DMV.

The voluptuous lady behind the counter hated me. I hated her for hating me. We shared an instant bond that was started with our dissatisfaction with her job.  She seated me at a desk with a computer opened to The Test. I began.

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With each day that passes I become more and more stunned—dumbfounded, actually—at what I see on Facebook.

I will never be one of those people who can post each and every detail of their entire lives on Facebook. There are so many things you could be doing with your time. I said something the other day—ironically, on Facebook—about how we all used to have fun, and now we just tell everyone about how much fun we are having. I am guilty of this almost as much as the rest of you people. When I go on a date or go to a new restaurant, I want to post it on Facebook so everyone knows where I have been. I have no idea why. I have no idea what this even means. But it’s addicting. We do it because we can. Because it’s FACEBOOK.

I know, I know. If it bothers me so much why don’t I just stop getting on Facebook, right? The truth is: it does bother me. But more than that, it intrigues me. 

There are so many different types of posts I see on Facebook every day, each proclaiming their posters lack of sanity during any given situation.

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I know I am not the only one who does incredibly awkward and embarrassing things on a daily basis. At least, I like to think  I’m not. The things that I do, however, are not necessarily life-ruining, but I have (quite literally) smacked myself in the face after doing them. It’s probably awkward that I do that. It’s probably awkward that I just admitted it.

I will now confess some things that I do (or have done) which still make me shake my head and go “Jessica! Jessica, no!”

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